Lists, Lists, and More Lists

Rather than making a series of posts that contain these lists; I thought it would just be easier to put them all down here! On one convenient post of lists!

Things I Love:

• Music
• Harry Potter
• Disney
• To be specific: The Hunchback of Notre Dame
• To be even more specific: The final note that Clopin sings in "The Bells of Notre Dame"
• The French Horn
• Oboes
• Acting
• Improv
• Improv
• Improv (Because 3 times is funny)
• My Friends
• Choirs
• SWITZERLAND!!!! (More happy than Disneyland)
• Showers
• Singing in showers
• Writing
• Star Wars
• Nerd Games
• Walking
• The point in the morning where the sun just came up, and no one is around
• Night time
• Thunderstorms
• Cooking
• Mary Poppins

Things I Hate:

• When an instrument is out of tune and someone DOESN'T FIX IT!
• Yelling
• People with the "Holier than Thou" attitude 
• My general appearance..... cough.
• Those tiny little scratches that don't need any medical attention, but sting like hell
• People who can't say things to my face
• Bugs. All of them. (Especially if they are anywhere near where I sleep at night.)
• Pickles
• Asking too many questions
• Impatience
• Ignorance
• Being alone
• Not having something to do
• Writer's block
• False hope
• Being ignored
• Being forgotten
• The phrase "Well I did think about inviting you, but I didn't end up doing so."
• Snow
• The moment you realize you are wrong in an argument
• Losing
• Playing basketball

Things I Want:

• Fame (who doesn't?)
• To look older
• Physical fitness (Working on it...)
• To move out
• Charisma (with well... women... when I'm actually trying)
• The ability to dance
• Someone that I feel I can talk to all the time, no matter what, for a long time
• A new wardrobe
• To be in a good Disney movie (none of that straight to T.V. shit)
• To be taken seriously
• To be seen as more than just comic relief
• Someone to discover the cure to Multiple Sclerosis
• Background music. All. The. Time.
• More male friends (Girls are fine... but I need to be... macho....? Sure, let's use that word)
• Children (not now, but at some point)
• People to GET FRICKEN BACK TO CEDAR! (Shelly, Josh, Selena, Natalie, Jane, Brie, Amanda, etc...)

Things I Need:

• Experience
• Money
• Time
• A healthier diet
• A place to move in to
• A better job than tutoring
• Medicine
• Gloves (so I stop killing my fingers)
• To find my ipod (I'm going a little bit crazy)
• A 3.8 to a 4.0 next semester

Fears:

• Deep water
• Spiders
• Overly-realistic masks
• Centipedes (Have you SEEN those things? It's like they crawled strait from HELL!)
• Losing people who I've become close to (in any way)

....I think that's about everything I wanted to list........... for now. (cackle)

Improv: Just Learn It

"Many people have the idea that to improvise you have to get up on a stage and 'make it up.' While it’s true that that’s the bulk of it, it could also be said that the bulk of driving is pointing the car, so let’s allow five-year-olds to do it. Bad idea. To master the art of improv can take many years, and a great understanding, not just of improv’s tenets, but those of many different disciplines. Because there are fewer parameters than any other performing art, one must be prepared for anything that comes your way. That includes forays into the worlds of writing, directing, design, dance, music, singing, mime, stage combat, and especially acting. Once you’ve got all of these down, then you can say that improv is easy."
--- Jeff Catanese, Improv Review

I recently did a show with a local high school improv troupe.   I always enjoy seeing what young improvisers do on stage, considering that I started my sophomore year of high school.  (I'm also still considered a very young improvisor since most people that I know who do it are like... 30... and I haven't even hit 2 decades yet) Some of these kids were extremely talented.  It was quite surprising.... On the other hand.... well.... there were other people on the troupe.  

You could tell that a few of these kids thought that they didn't have to try to understand improv.  They thought that all you had to do was say "poop" (yes... poop.) on stage to get a laugh, and that was just good enough. I have an extreme distaste for anyone that takes this route on a stage.  If you are on a stage and the only word that comes to your mind is poop... you better damn well keep your mouth shut unless that scene calls for it. (And it really has to call for it...) If your the kind of person that thinks the only way to get a laugh is to use blue humor, (although I do admit sex can be funny if used appropriately) then get the hell off of any stage you were planning on performing and start a crappy stand up routine at a bar. 

Improv isn't that hard to learn, but that doesn't mean you can skip the learning process.

Childhood

I can honestly say that I cannot wait for the day that I have a child of my own.  I love children. (In a totally not creepy way) There are so many days that I wish I were a child again myself.  Of all the things that I hold dearly, my inner child is the thing I protect the most.  Whenever I'm around a child, I'm reminded of this.  I think the most important thing in life to remember is to be a child.

Why? Why would that be more important than an education, a job, or making money? Don't you need that to survive?

Yes. Yes you do.  But being a child is more important, trust me on this one. I know what I'm talking about.

First and most importantly: A true child will never lie. (But kids lie all the time, they don't want to get in trouble don't they?) If a child reaches the point where they learn to lie, they are no longer in the state of true childhood.  Because the moment you learn to lie, is the moment where you start paying attention on how to please others rather than yourself.

Lying is one of the most idiotic concepts on the face of this planet. (I'm not saying I've never lied, you have to have done something quite a bit to understand why you don't like it... like eating pickles) The only reason we lie is so we don't get judged by others and possibly punished. (Punishment can take place in a number of ways: guilt, prison, sadness, loss of trust, etc...)  Why should we even care?  It was our choice, we should stick by it.  I was babysitting one of my neighbors children once. I was told that the little girl was not allowed to have a cookie until she had dinner.  Of course after about an hour of babysitting I noticed that a box of cookies was conveniently opened on the counter.  This little girl knew that she would be punished for having a cookie.  She had every reason to lie. I called her over and asked if she had one.  She gave me the strangest answer:

"No, I had four!"

Needless to say; I didn't punish her.  I was too perplexed.  This child learned that it was better to follow her wants and own up to them, not hide them.  That, I think, is the most amazing thing that a child does.

Second:  A child is the most talented improvisor that anyone will ever find. Ever. (or they have a really good imagination... same difference) Because they don't care who's watching; if they want to be a firetruck, then they are going to be a firetruck dammit!  I've been improvising for a while and still can't fathom how to truly do that.  It's so easy! And it's because they don't care!  I could have a flawless firetruck imitation, one that would fool people into thinking that I was a real one.  That wouldn't stop a child from saying his firetruck impression wasn't as good.  A child knows their abilities and how to best use them; so they never will compare themselves to others, because there is no point to doing that for them.   

I've noticed that the best actors, are the ones that do exactly that.  They stop caring about critique and just do their own thing. (I'm definitely still working towards getting to this point...)

Third: A child knows how to make friends trust.  It's a sad thing to know that people abuse this incredibly pure thing that a child does.  Children trust others.  They can't help it.  People are too much fun to not trust them and not befriend them.  When I was little, I went to a park. At this park there was a very creepy hobo.  I made friends with him. It was as simple as that.  We talked, and we had fun. (I'm not saying that everyone should go around befriending hobos but still.... there's a lesson there)  I wish all people trusted in this way, I think everyone would be a lot happier.

(Terrible? Yes. Hilarious? Also yes.)

My Summer So Far Actually...

....Yeah. That basically sums it up....

Message In a Bottle

(Well, it's been a while, hasn't it?)

First of all: I absolutely love this song. (*Sings to self* Sendin' out an S.O.S... Sendin' out an S.O.S......) Don't know it? That's okay, you probably grew up in the 90's. (I did too, don't be ashamed)

I was recently asked to describe myself... using an object... (improv workshop....) After a good 56.7 seconds of contemplation, (I estimated the time, in case you were wondering) I came up with this answer: A bottle.

Yes. A bottle.

....I hold in a lot of my thoughts.  It's fairly unhealthy. I've recently come to a realization that I need to say what I really want to say to people....  Currently everyone is gone for the Summer, so I'm going to say these things on the internet, without using names, so I can keep people guessing as to who I'm "talking" to.  (I'll talk to actual people when they're actually around to listen.)

I've put the statements into categories, to make it easier.

To all the girls I have had or still have a crush on:

• I would drop everything to date you.  I've been saying this for 4 years.
• I like you, but I know we'd never date.
• Don't tell me that I can find some one, it's not making me feel better when I'm around you.
• I'm actually okay with the fact you friend-zoned me.
• You're a backstabbing, two-faced bitch. I don't know what I ever saw in you.  I'm glad nothing ever happened, you probably would have used me anyway.
• I'm a guy, you know. And I kind of fit those requirements you just told me.  .....nope? Not even gonna think about it? ...great.
• I tried doing the whole ignoring thing... it didn't work on you... wanna go to a movie?
• I'm not as good at that whole flirting thing as *ahem* others are.  So I make lots of jokes and get really sarcastic.  Sorry if I accidentally offended you.
• Every time you make a nerdy comment you become 10 times hotter. Please stop being in a relationship.

To my friends:

• "You seem really out of it today." Should be followed by the statement: "Want to talk about it?"
• When I say I'm not mad at you... I'm really not. But I will be if you keep being paranoid about it.
• If I ask to talk with you, and I seem serious, don't just blow me off.  It makes me feel worse.
• If I didn't text you back, it doesn't mean I hate you. It means that I'm a lazy person.
• I have ignored 3 calls.  It means I am not answering my phone today. Not that you have to call 11 more times.
• Thank you for listening to me.  You may think that you didn't really do anything, but you did.
• I am so incredibly jealous of you.... But you make me do everything I can to improve myself. Thanks.
• Lucky bastard.
• I'm asking you if you want to talk. If you don't that's fine, but don't get mad at me for not trying harder to get you to talk.
• I like the times where I don't have to say anything and still have fun.
• NO.
• I don't want to watch a movie with you and your significant other.
• You don't ever listen to me, yet you expect me to listen to you? Go fuck yourself.
• I lied to you. I'm really sorry.
• I lied to you. I'm not sorry at all.

To the general population:

• I have given up on people. Thank you man kind.
• I've stopped really caring about things... and that terrifies me.
• (Flips the Bird) SCREW YOU STARLIGHT MOUNTAIN THEATRE!!!
• Give me ALL the attention!
• I have very much begun to hate people. Thanks again man kind.

 There's a few more things I would like to say... but I think I'll keep them inside just a bit longer.

(Look up this song. It's catchy.)

BFA(sshole)

I got into the BFA.  I am now a Big Fucking Actor.  And I kind of feel like shit about it.  ...I don't feel like I deserved it. I pretty much feel like I got the good side of favoritism.

My issue with favoritism:

• In high school, my drama teacher loved me.  She was absolutely crazy about me.  So I got parts in plays.... Without really even trying....  I HATE THAT!  I never felt accomplished about my auditions.  My senior year, I was able to go to the UTA conference with my school.  They had auditions for colleges there that seniors could go to.  My school could only take three seniors.  So my teacher held auditions for the seniors to get one of the three slots.  Four of us tried out.  We got to watch each others auditions.  Three of us (including me) got the slots.  The best actress out of all of us did not get the slot.  Why? She wasn't a favorite.  She had a BRILLIANT audition; some of the greatest acting I have ever seen. (including after seeing some of the acting in college)  I was going to let her have my spot, but I didn't.  I'm still mad at myself for that. I felt like I wasn't talented and I was riding off of being liked by a teacher. 

This is how I feel right now.  Peter likes me. I spend time in his office. (not to suck up, I hate being that guy) I feel like I got in purely because of that factor... There are a ton more people that put more work into it and deserved it more than I did... Or at least that's how I feel about it. 

I probably sound like an ungrateful bastard right now.

Friends say I got in because I worked hard... But still......meh.

I hope this is why I got it. I REALLY hope so....

An Experiment

I've recently been working a lot on a play called Body Image.  What's it about? (Three guesses...)

...body image. (if you actually took three guesses, hit the little red "X" on the corner of the screen, the rest of this blog is way too smart for you...)

I've been having a lot of issues with my own confidence, self image, self worth, etc...  And frankly, (love that word) I'm sick of it.  Now I know that this isn't something that I can simply just wish away.   So I'm going to try something.  I have a full-body mirror.   I am going to make a list of everything I like or dislike about myself. (Yay, list! Natalie, you have made me into a list fan...) I don't know how this is going to make me feel, but I just want to get my thoughts out of my head and out to somewhere.  (These may consist of just how I look or I may go more deeply into my personal thoughts that I like and dislike.... it's an adventure.)

• I like how my hair looks right now
• I like that I have a widow's peak
• I hate how my acne confines itself to just my forehead
• I hate how big my nose is
• I hate my mexi-stache
• I like that facial hair is making me look older
• I hate that my cheeks aren't filling in and that I'm pretty much stuck with a chin strap
• I like that I don't get a horrible neck beard
• I think my ears, although slightly off balance, look good
• I like how thick my eyebrows are
• I hate that it could become a uni-brow without proper taming
• I have nice cheek bones
• I wish I had blue or green eyes
• I wish I had blonde or at least lighter hair
• I wish I were about a foot taller
• My lips don't look that bad
• I like that I can make funny shapes with my tongue
• I can cock my right eyebrow... it's awesome
• I hate how desperate I am for attention
• I hate how thin my arms are
• I need to work out more
• I like that I have an x body shape
• I hate that I bite my fingers into oblivion
• I hate that I'm not muscular
• I hate when I sit down that my belly wrinkles up and looks flabby
• I hate that I'm not really that strong compared to other men
• I love how fast of a sprinter I am
• I'm good at being hard to catch (I'm like slippery or something...)
• I hate my gigantic, Puerto-Rican, ass
• I hate how weird that last item sounds being that I'm a man
• My calves look good when I flex them
• I need to tan my legs, I've been wearing jeans too long
• I hate the callouses on my toes because shoes don't fit me well
• I hate how rough my ankles are
• I have a nice dark tan
• But I wish I had lighter skin
• I hate being 5 foot 7
• I want a better vocal range
• My voice is too high sounding
• I wish I could get rid of the random scars I've acquired over the years
• My neck looks good
• I hate how awkward I make myself around girls
• I love how easily I can make a friend
• I hate how idiotic I can be to my friends
• I hate how I've stopped truly caring for everything
• I love how well I can perceive emotion
• I hate that I've learned to use that against people
• I love how funny and witty I have become
• I hate how much I dwell on my past
• I hate how jealous I get of people
• I want to be more assertive
• I want my own sense of fashion, not my older brother's
• I wish I looked good in leather
• I want all my dress shirts to be fitted
• I want cooler jeans
• I want a nice pair of running shoes
• I want a pair of gym shorts that doesn't look weird to me
• I need to work on my posture
• My shoulders are really tense
• I don't like the way I look
• I hate how I keep saying that
• I want to switch lives with other people
• I want what I cant have
• My teeth aren't that bad

I can't really think of anything else right now...
So... Yeah... I feel... a bit relaxed...? ....I guess...