Saturday, May 12, 2012

Message In a Bottle

(Well, it's been a while, hasn't it?)

First of all: I absolutely love this song. (*Sings to self* Sendin' out an S.O.S... Sendin' out an S.O.S......) Don't know it? That's okay, you probably grew up in the 90's. (I did too, don't be ashamed)

I was recently asked to describe myself... using an object... (improv workshop....) After a good 56.7 seconds of contemplation, (I estimated the time, in case you were wondering) I came up with this answer: A bottle.

Yes. A bottle.

....I hold in a lot of my thoughts.  It's fairly unhealthy. I've recently come to a realization that I need to say what I really want to say to people....  Currently everyone is gone for the Summer, so I'm going to say these things on the internet, without using names, so I can keep people guessing as to who I'm "talking" to.  (I'll talk to actual people when they're actually around to listen.)

I've put the statements into categories, to make it easier.

To all the girls I have had or still have a crush on:
  • I would drop everything to date you.  I've been saying this for 4 years.
  • I like you, but I know we'd never date.
  • Don't tell me that I can find some one, it's not making me feel better when I'm around you.
  • I'm actually okay with the fact you friend-zoned me.
  • You're a backstabbing, two-faced bitch. I don't know what I ever saw in you.  I'm glad nothing ever happened, you probably would have used me anyway.
  • I'm a guy, you know. And I kind of fit those requirements you just told me.  .....nope? Not even gonna think about it? ...great.
  • I tried doing the whole ignoring thing... it didn't work on you... wanna go to a movie?
  • I'm not as good at that whole flirting thing as *ahem* others are.  So I make lots of jokes and get really sarcastic.  Sorry if I accidentally offended you.
  • Every time you make a nerdy comment you become 10 times hotter. Please stop being in a relationship.
To my friends:
  • "You seem really out of it today." Should be followed by the statement: "Want to talk about it?"
  • When I say I'm not mad at you... I'm really not. But I will be if you keep being paranoid about it.
  • If I ask to talk with you, and I seem serious, don't just blow me off.  It makes me feel worse.
  • If I didn't text you back, it doesn't mean I hate you. It means that I'm a lazy person.
  • I have ignored 3 calls.  It means I am not answering my phone today. Not that you have to call 11 more times.
  • Thank you for listening to me.  You may think that you didn't really do anything, but you did.
  • I am so incredibly jealous of you.... But you make me do everything I can to improve myself. Thanks.
  • Lucky bastard.
  • I'm asking you if you want to talk. If you don't that's fine, but don't get mad at me for not trying harder to get you to talk.
  • I like the times where I don't have to say anything and still have fun.
  • NO.
  • I don't want to watch a movie with you and your significant other.
  • You don't ever listen to me, yet you expect me to listen to you? Go fuck yourself.
  • I lied to you. I'm really sorry.
  • I lied to you. I'm not sorry at all.
To the general population:
  • I have given up on people. Thank you man kind.
  • I've stopped really caring about things... and that terrifies me.
  • Give me ALL the attention!
  • I have very much begun to hate people. Thanks again man kind.
 There's a few more things I would like to say... but I think I'll keep them inside just a bit longer.

(Look up this song. It's catchy.)

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