I’m not
really good at flirting; at least, when I’m trying to flirt. I don’t get how
people *cough* Josh *cough* can naturally do it so fucking well. Every time I
try I just end up feeling hopelessly awkward.
So then I close up and get in my head.
How the hell do you practice flirting so you don’t make a fool out of
yourself? I think I only feel awkward
because the girl doesn’t flirt back… because I’ve been friend-zoned… how do I
get the girl to flirt back? …I look
like I’m 12. I want to look older. Maybe that’s why. I look (and act) more like a younger brother
to girls. That would explain the lack of
romantic interest the female population has for me. I’m just weird… and awkward… and an
idiot. Sometimes I get the feeling that
people don’t actually want to be around me but they’re too nice to say so. Okay
not sometimes, all the time. I kind of
just show up and awkwardly follow people around. Then I just stand silently in
conversations because I’m not exactly that interesting. So I look and feel out
of place. Then I try to say something
and no one really listens to me… so I just stay silent the rest of the time
because my thoughts were confirmed: no one actually cares …great. I’m not really assertive. I need to change that. Stupid.
I’m constantly afraid of losing these new friends I have made. At least, I’m pretty sure we’re friends… it’s
not like many people really go out of their way to hang out with me… I hate my life. I’m just lonely, all the fucking time. It’s great when I end up hanging out with
people, but they can’t hang out all the time; I shouldn’t expect that of
them. I want to be the center of
someone’s attention. Just one person… is
that too much to ask? I’m going to be so
depressed during spring break. Everyone
is probably leaving. I haven’t been invited to do anything, because no one
seems to want me around right now… or ever. So I’m going to be stuck at home…
hating everything. I’m praying for that
outcome to change. But it probably won’t. Why? Because life sucks, that’s why.
And now a funny picture, to cancel out the negative:
