Monday, April 2, 2012

On Women...

For a guy that has a 4 to 1 ratio on female to male friends I really have no idea how to work with women.

This is a problem.

When I say work I don't mean like a job, I mean like... well... you know... (awkward gesture) ...that.  And I know I have the ability to flirt and be entertaining, (in an attractive way...?) just when I'm not consciously trying to do it.

Also a problem.

I also think that I have fairly (extremely) high standards. (I'm kind of a shallow bastard) I like brunettes (usually) that are intelligent (always).  Meaning I want our conversations to be the opposite of this: 
"What kind of make-up should I wear today?" "That one" "Ok, (insert god-awful cutesie nickname here)!"
I want almost every conversation to contain more than three sentences and somehow end up quoting some famous, smart, dead person. Yeah (sexy) intelligence.  She also needs to be able to take my sarcasm.  I can be brutal.  And well... yes I'm a bit of an ass for saying this... I guess image isn't everything... but it's pretty damn well important.  I do not want a twig.  Curves are nice. Being shorter than me? A requirement. (Horrible? Probably. Practical? Definitely.) Being comfortable in their own skin is also nice.  Confidence. Yeah (sexy) confidence.  She must also be a nerd. An actual nerd. She needs to at least know D&D references.  THAT kind of nerd. Yeah (sexy) nerdness.

One more thing.

Nothing on this planet makes me more attracted to a girl than a really (really) hard head.  I want to argue... and lose.  I want a girl that has such a strong opinion on everything that she has to let it be known.  She needs to have a ridiculous amount of willpower.
So, I guess (know) my standards are high.

Again: problem.

So here's my issue.  There's this girl. (yes, story time) I don't really know her. But I figured: I have no luck with the girls I already know, why not try one I haven't really talked to yet?  So... yeah. She's in my voice and diction class... She's attractive. And sarcastic. And Attractive.  I first realized that i was interested in her on Friday. Yes, this past Friday.  I went into the Adam's to practice a monologue, and, at the exact same time, she did the same thing on the lower level.  We had a conversation.  For an hour. We probably would have kept going, except Josh heard my voice (it's distinctive and loud, apparently) and came up. (it's an outdoor theatre, it was bound to happen)  So right now you're probably thinking that I'm going to segue into yet another Josh rant...  You are correct! (it'll be short, I promise)  ...She's snogging him.


It's for a scene.  I want it to stay that way.  I made sure Josh knows this.  Hopefully he keeps it that way.  (I know that he won't try anything but... things happen.) It's just a stage kiss (make-out) thingy.  I should be okay.  Regardless, I need to make a move... soon.  Here comes my next big thing. I have kissed a total of one (you read it right: one) girls. (I made it plural so it sounds like more... it doesn't) I don't count stage kisses; if I did, the total would be 4. 

A rather large problem.

Needless to say, I have a lack of experience. ("a lack of" means none whatsoever)  I don't know how to be a good kisser.  And if  do end up kissing this girl, (PLEASE GOD, PLEASE LET IT HAPPEN!!! ...cough) she now has Josh to compare me to. (30 something girls for experience... shit)  How do you get better? You kiss girls. (or practice on mannequins... but I don't think they can match my needs emotionally...)

Problems. Problems everywhere.

A good thing (ellipses, question mark): I am currently cast as a character in a piece called Body Image.  The first scene begins with a (rather extensive) make-out session.  The girl who I do it with is engaged. (awkward, but at least I know she has experience) So I'm getting practice. (this paragraph just took a turn for the creepy...) So far, if I were to take a test, I would fail.  Miserably.  (practice makes perfect...?) Enough of this.

So... can you tell?  If a girl wants to kiss you? ........Anyone?  Thought so. 

You guessed it: problem.

(This is a post that I'd like comments on, for advice... so yeah... do that)  I am going to ask her out. (straitens back, confident gestures) I will. Yes. For sure. Yes.


Wish me luck.

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