Monday, March 19, 2012

Only Read This if You Are Not Yet Annoyed By My Josh Rants

GOOD FUCK I HATE THIS!  He was fucking cast as a fucking lead for Starlight! (yes I am ranting about this now, yes I am being quite stupid about this, yes the rant will be self-hating and possibly depressing... I'm pissed off, deal with it) No one else has been cast yet, but he, in his all Godly talent, (sarcastic seethe) managed to land a LEAD!  Not to mention they want to give him another one of the main characters in one of the other fucking plays. The worst part about this? I was right fucking next to him when he found out! I HEARD THE DAMN THING HAPPEN!!!!!  (angry whisper) I had to hold myself back so as to not attack him out of a sheer jealous rage.  I am being so incredibly and inexcusably stupid right now, I should not be acting like this. Frankly I am embarrassed with myself for how I'm treating this situation. (he's my friend, I should be happy for him... but instead I'm loathing him for it... I'm an idiotic wreck) It's ridiculous that I'm even typing this right now!  I just need to put it down somewhere, anywhere really. 

I have been told I have nothing to be jealous of when it comes to Josh.  I disagree. I HAVE A SHIT TON TO BE JEALOUS OF!!! (I'm just a teensy bit over dramatic about it... or I just talk about it too much...) I have completely lost faith in myself. Yes, I know that there is still a chance I'll be cast in Starlight. But I think that most (all) of my hope has been drained away.  (I need a shoulder to cry on, but I'm a little too proud to admit it out loud, and I don't want to waste anyone's time with my own problems...) I don't know what's wrong with me.  I know that theatre is what I want to do with my life, but am I good enough for it?  ...I don't know how to answer that question anymore...


(Me, right now)

Today has been a really shitty day. Sorry for the profanity.

...I'll try to be more positive later. I promise.

1 comment:

  1. Baby Frank! You can come cry on my shoulder!
    And I want you to know...that I think you have all the potential in the world. I've seen great things in you and I can't wait for you to get out there and show the world what you've got. Remember how awesome you are and that I love you...that's all you need :P
    Love you, hang in there. Victoria