A Picture

Sometimes, I kind of feel like this ^

Dancing

So I'm in this musical....

And I like it.  And it's funny. And it gives me a chance to perform. And it's keeping me busy. And I get to be in a fun cast.

...And I have to dance.

I'm a shitty dancer. (don't start your "you can't be that bad" speeches, just watch me; you'll agree) Our choreographer is an excellent dancer. (understatement) So, yeah...

...The dances are hard.

Tatem is really nice to me while she teaches me the dances. (Yay, encouragement!) But it doesn't exactly make me dance better.  I mostly just become much more aware of how painful it is for the eye to see my body awkwardly attempting to contort itself to the rhythm of each song. (That sentence was... wordy...) Believe me: It's pretty bad.  I blame genetics.  My Dad sucks too.  We both handle dancing in the same way...

By not dancing.

I get how the dances are supposed to work.  My brain knows exactly what it should be doing.  It's the rest of me that doesn't understand.   (that makes absolutely no sense... oh well)  Maybe that comes with experience and practice.... like Math!  Or it doesn't and you actually need a slight amount of talent... like every choice of career that I want to take in my life.

I kind of wish that I was forced to take dance classes when I was little. Instead I was forced into flag football.  (Mom, Dad, I love you guys, but the fact that I spent more time picking the grass than playing the sport, (while I was on the field, mind you) should have given you a slight hint of my future.  Just saying...)

I'm working on my dance skills.  I know people that can dance, and they'll help me.

Let's hope I can be helped.

 

(I noticed that I use the left margin a lot......... just an observation)

Insanity

I'm going crazy.  

.....No, seriously, I am.

To be completely honest, this summer has really (really really really) sucked so far. (there were maybe 4 or 5 good days) To start off, basically everybody dropped off the face of the earth the moment that May started.  I was expecting this. What I wasn't expecting was how isolated I ended up feeling.  I didn't really hear much from anybody. (I'm not mad at people for this, it was just... a strange shift)  And there was absolutely nothing to distract me.  I got a random text every once in a (long) while, but for the most part, I was stuck on facebook.  

I now dislike facebook.

I really hate it now. All you do is watch a fucking stream of posts and wish you were doing what your friends were doing at that moment.  It had become a constant reminder of how no one was around.

So naturally I've spent most of my time on it.

I get way too excited when I see that I have a notification.  'Maybe it's someone who sent you a message!' 'Maybe you were invited to something!' 'Maybe you just won the fucking lottery!' No.  None of those things happened.  It was a game request.  A fucking game request.  

Facebook needs to make a game that YOU DON'T NEED OTHER PEOPLE!

Also, I think that facebook made a HUGE mistake with showing when a person viewed your chat message.  There used to be the benefit of the doubt that people didn't ignore you, they just haven't looked at it yet.

Now I know better.

Now I know that I was just ignored. That pisses me off. It shouldn't, but it does.  It especially pissed me off recently.  I was given some possibly good information about an audition.  But I have NO FUCKING CLUE what I have to do to get it. All I know is that it exists.  I asked what I had to do. And the person has definitely seen the message... and hasn't responded.  It's driving me nuts. Really nuts. (Who told me of this  audition, and currently has that audition?  3 guesses.... I don't even want to say it. So I won't.) I just want to know if I really can get this audition or not. Is that wrong? (the answer is no... in case you were wondering)

So the other thing that has made me slightly crazy.  My older brother is home for the weekend.

Fuck.

He just knows what exactly to say to make me feel absolutely HORRIBLE!  I already have a terrible self image.  I don't need anyone to comment on how I'm not muscular, need a girlfriend, have only kissed one person, still live at home, et cetera, et cetera, fucking et cetera... (bet you weren't expecting ACTUAL LATIN in a blog post) 

Positive moment:  Less than ONE WEEK until Shelly and Selena get back to Cedar. 

...hopefully I'll make it.

I've Been Doing This Too Much...

Thoughts

I've secretly always wanted to be put into the Witness Protection Program.  (Yeah I realize your life has to be put in danger and stuff.... but still)  It would be interesting.  You basically get to start over. Completely.  You even get a new name.  I'm pretty sure it would never happen to me, but it's still something I think about.  What would I do with a blank slate?  How would I handle it?  Would I end up in a better or worse place than I am now?

There are so many things I want to change about myself, a chance to change who I am is well.... enticing. (I am grateful for what I have right now, I'm not complaining.  It's just a thought.)

There have been a few movies about people switching bodies, brains, personalities, lives, etc...  That's something else I've always thought about.  If I were to switch with someone, what would I do?  Well, I guess that depends on the person I switch with.  I can think of a few people I'd like to switch with..... eyup. (pop sound at the "p")  I heard a song (mostly because Josh never stopped singing it) about a guy who wanted someone else's life.  The song has been stuck in my head since... um... like... mid April.  Yeah.... So I've put a lot of thought into that idea.

I think what I really want is a change. Something that will give people a different opinion of me.  (It's odd, I know... most people generally like me... I don't want to be disliked.  Sometimes I just want ....different.)

Lists, Lists, and More Lists

Rather than making a series of posts that contain these lists; I thought it would just be easier to put them all down here! On one convenient post of lists!

Things I Love:

• Music
• Harry Potter
• Disney
• To be specific: The Hunchback of Notre Dame
• To be even more specific: The final note that Clopin sings in "The Bells of Notre Dame"
• The French Horn
• Oboes
• Acting
• Improv
• Improv
• Improv (Because 3 times is funny)
• My Friends
• Choirs
• SWITZERLAND!!!! (More happy than Disneyland)
• Showers
• Singing in showers
• Writing
• Star Wars
• Nerd Games
• Walking
• The point in the morning where the sun just came up, and no one is around
• Night time
• Thunderstorms
• Cooking
• Mary Poppins

Things I Hate:

• When an instrument is out of tune and someone DOESN'T FIX IT!
• Yelling
• People with the "Holier than Thou" attitude 
• My general appearance..... cough.
• Those tiny little scratches that don't need any medical attention, but sting like hell
• People who can't say things to my face
• Bugs. All of them. (Especially if they are anywhere near where I sleep at night.)
• Pickles
• Asking too many questions
• Impatience
• Ignorance
• Being alone
• Not having something to do
• Writer's block
• False hope
• Being ignored
• Being forgotten
• The phrase "Well I did think about inviting you, but I didn't end up doing so."
• Snow
• The moment you realize you are wrong in an argument
• Losing
• Playing basketball

Things I Want:

• Fame (who doesn't?)
• To look older
• Physical fitness (Working on it...)
• To move out
• Charisma (with well... women... when I'm actually trying)
• The ability to dance
• Someone that I feel I can talk to all the time, no matter what, for a long time
• A new wardrobe
• To be in a good Disney movie (none of that straight to T.V. shit)
• To be taken seriously
• To be seen as more than just comic relief
• Someone to discover the cure to Multiple Sclerosis
• Background music. All. The. Time.
• More male friends (Girls are fine... but I need to be... macho....? Sure, let's use that word)
• Children (not now, but at some point)
• People to GET FRICKEN BACK TO CEDAR! (Shelly, Josh, Selena, Natalie, Jane, Brie, Amanda, etc...)

Things I Need:

• Experience
• Money
• Time
• A healthier diet
• A place to move in to
• A better job than tutoring
• Medicine
• Gloves (so I stop killing my fingers)
• To find my ipod (I'm going a little bit crazy)
• A 3.8 to a 4.0 next semester

Fears:

• Deep water
• Spiders
• Overly-realistic masks
• Centipedes (Have you SEEN those things? It's like they crawled strait from HELL!)
• Losing people who I've become close to (in any way)

....I think that's about everything I wanted to list........... for now. (cackle)

Improv: Just Learn It

"Many people have the idea that to improvise you have to get up on a stage and 'make it up.' While it’s true that that’s the bulk of it, it could also be said that the bulk of driving is pointing the car, so let’s allow five-year-olds to do it. Bad idea. To master the art of improv can take many years, and a great understanding, not just of improv’s tenets, but those of many different disciplines. Because there are fewer parameters than any other performing art, one must be prepared for anything that comes your way. That includes forays into the worlds of writing, directing, design, dance, music, singing, mime, stage combat, and especially acting. Once you’ve got all of these down, then you can say that improv is easy."
--- Jeff Catanese, Improv Review

I recently did a show with a local high school improv troupe.   I always enjoy seeing what young improvisers do on stage, considering that I started my sophomore year of high school.  (I'm also still considered a very young improvisor since most people that I know who do it are like... 30... and I haven't even hit 2 decades yet) Some of these kids were extremely talented.  It was quite surprising.... On the other hand.... well.... there were other people on the troupe.  

You could tell that a few of these kids thought that they didn't have to try to understand improv.  They thought that all you had to do was say "poop" (yes... poop.) on stage to get a laugh, and that was just good enough. I have an extreme distaste for anyone that takes this route on a stage.  If you are on a stage and the only word that comes to your mind is poop... you better damn well keep your mouth shut unless that scene calls for it. (And it really has to call for it...) If your the kind of person that thinks the only way to get a laugh is to use blue humor, (although I do admit sex can be funny if used appropriately) then get the hell off of any stage you were planning on performing and start a crappy stand up routine at a bar. 

Improv isn't that hard to learn, but that doesn't mean you can skip the learning process.