I've Been Doing This Too Much...

Green is Not My Color

I'M JEALOUS!  And I'm ashamed of it... Because I really shouldn't be.  But I am.  I have many good qualities, but I don't focus on them.  Instead I look at all of my lesser qualities. It's a little bit masochistic. Okay, a lot a bit masochistic.  Who am I jealous of? Well... I have a list... (Sad, right? You know what's sadder? The fact that I'm going to put this list on a blog post.)

• People in couples
• The other members of Off the Cuff
• The upper class-men in the department
• Most of my peers
• My older brother
• Anyone that is doing anything for Spring Break
• People who are taking a class from MELINDA FREAKING VAUGHN!!!! (She's that big of a deal)
• People who do well in Costume Construction class
• Any person with a slight skill in any type of dancing
• People who got call backs for USF
• Flexible people
• People that are in better shape than me
• And (the one I hate myself for most of all) Josh...

The fact that this list consists of more than 3 items (it's 13... I counted) is, frankly, ridiculous.  I'm especially mad at myself for the last item on this list.  I don't understand it.  He's one of my best friends in the department yet I have this horrible, biting jealousy for him.  He's pretty much good at everything that I want to be good at.  Everything! I hate it.  I can't help but feel jealous.  The main thing that gets to me is this: he's good with women.  I am not. (Most definitely not)  He doesn't even try. It fucking just HAPPENS for him!

You know the worst part about this jealousy is right now? ...He's single. ...Well shit. How the hell can I compete with that?
I'm being quite stupid about this, I know. But I just can't help it...

I'm being an idiot, and I need to stop.